Preparing for Parenthood

Check this out... its for all you pregnant mommies out there!

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

 Lesson 3

 A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

 Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

 Lesson 4

 Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

 Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

 Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

 This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

On a Scroll

If you know my husband well, you may have heard the story of his first grade class.  He was apparently way above the average first grade student at his school (big surprise right?) and would finish all his school work for the day before the teacher could even finish explaining the directions. This left him with a lot of time on his hands.  And lucky for him, he had some pretty creative hands and access to miles and miles of computer paper.  You know the kind that was in one long roll with perforated marks every so often.  Anyway, he would start a drawing and continue it on and on and on and then roll up his work into an enormous scroll.  As time went on the scroll got fatter and fatter so he would have to carry it with both arms. One day he ran into a serious snafu when the whole thing shot out from his hands like a Chinese yo-yo as he boarded the bus.  So in honor of her dad, this Christmas Grandma Judy thought Brooklyn could carry on the scroll tradition and got her over 300 feet of coloring pages all rolled up just like Daddy would do it.  She is planning on bringing it to show and tell tomorrow- let's just hope we don't have a repeat of the Chinese yo-yo incident.

Very Hungry Caterpillar Birthday

One sunny morning our little caterpillar turned one...and she was still hungry!

Inspired by Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar, 

we celebrated Leighton's first birthday this weekend. 

I found these party supplies at Target months ago planning for Leighton's birthday, 

which comes way too soon after Christmas 

(next year I'll plan her party in October- a much slower month!).

 We made egg carton caterpillars and coffee filter/clothes pin butterflies...

 Had lots of fun with green paint...

And did some Eric Carle coloring.

I couldn't believe I found gummy caterpillars (thank you Walmart) 

and they ate their way though peach and apple O's... but they were still hungry!

 I planned on a Very Hungry Caterpillar fruit salad with lunch, 

but didn't count on the fact that strawberries and plums are very hard to find in December- 

none at 3 grocery stores!

 

Brooklyn shared the story of the Very Hungry Caterpillar 

with everyone before Leighton opened her presents.

Grandma, our traditional cake baker was out of commission for the weekend 

so I had to step up to the plate and make the cake this year. 

 

  Then she at through one cupcake and she wasn't hungry anymore...

 Happy 1st Birthday Leighton!

Special Christmas Gifts

I love giving gifts, special meaningful gifts that are well thought out and not necessarily asked for.   I love the feeling I get when I get a great idea for a gift for someone or when I see something in a store and think, so and so would love this.   And then when they open it and really do love it and feel so loved and special that someone think of them and act on that thought.  Yes, this is one of my major love languages Gary Chapman tells me. I also love that my girls have the same excitement to give gifts to others.  And not just purchased gifts, but notes and hand made things.  This year we were blessed to give and receive many special gifts for Christmas.

I loved this moment.  Ellie has admired Brooklyn's ballerina music box for a long time.  Now she finally got one of her own.  The whole room was abuzz and she completely focused on admiring something that was all her own, and beautiful.

When Leighton really like something she bites it an hugs it at the same time.  

This doggie got a bite and a hug as soon as it was out of the box. 

 Brooklyn drawing on etch-a-sketch with Papa, 

a toy we always played with growing up at grandma and Grandpa's house.

Uncle Nathan swarmed by girls eager to give him his gifts- coffee for brewing.

Ellie helping Grammy open her gifts- yarn for crocheting.

Happy Birthday Onesie!

One year ago, this little one made her way into our lives, perfectly completing our family.  Time has truly flown and my baby is growing up before my eyes.  I can hardly remember her as the tiny bundle we brought home from the hospital and I know in months to come, I'll barely be able to remember her 8 tooth grin or her barely balanced stance that I see each day now. I want to slow down the freight train of life as much as I possibly can and cherish the everyday.  I want to purposefully live in each moment, soaking them in, and treasuring each one. 

I treasure you Leighton...Happy Birthday Baby!

The Nativity

For the past several years, we have put on an impromptu nativity play with the girls on Christmas Day.  My mom gets them really excited about it for several weeks before and they all look forward to it- almost as much as presents.  Brooklyn usually insists on being Mary, but this year made her debut as the narrator.

One year I searched everywhere for a simple Christmas story book but all I could find was this one, The Story of Mary.   However, Brooklyn decided she would change the title when she read it since, "Its not the story of Mary Mom, its the story of Jesus." Amen.

 Adina was the angel...

 And Ellie the wise man...complete with treasure box.

And Leighton got her first lead role as baby Jesus with pregnant Aunt Amy as Mary.  

Uncle Duane was the donkey but unfortunately we didn't get a shot of that one...

12 Crafts of Christmas

Now if you know I'm a crafter, you must know my girls are crafters too- especially Brooklyn.  So this year we decided to do the 12 Crafts of Christmas.  Please note, these projects were all done by 3 and 5 year olds with moderate adult assistance (ie: scissor usage, glue monitoring and some placement coaching).

So here you have the 12 Crafts of Christmas...

For the first craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a Reindeer that's very han-dy.

For the second craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a mitten they'd only need in Tennessee.

For the third craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a stocking so very artsy.

 

For the fourth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a beautiful, bedazzled, Christmas tree.

 

On the fifth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a poor gingerbread amputee.

On the sixth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me,

a "hand"made poinsettia tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

the one they expect on Christmas Eve.

For the eighth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a tissue and button wreath.

On the ninth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me,

a man who from southern California sunshine would flee.

For the tenth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

an angel singing beautifully.

For the eleventh craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a cane that was made of candy.

For the  twelfth craft of Christmas my girlies made with me, 

a star ever so glitter-y.

A night to remember...

Last night, Brooklyn was having a hard time falling asleep.  It could have been the colored lights of the Christmas tree in her room or it could have been her long afternoon nap, but it most likely was the excitement of knowing the next day she would be going to see "Tangled" with Ellie and her cousin Adina.  Whatever it was, she came out after 30 minutes of laying there with no hope of falling asleep.  I prayed with her and tucked her back in hoping she would finally be able to sleep.  I went downstairs to do some chores and flipped on the TV to find the Nutcracker ballet was on.  By now it was 8:40 and almost an hour past her bedtime, but I new her little heart would be thrilled to sit and watch it with me.  So I went back up to her room, found her still awake, and told her to come down with me.  We then spent the next hour sipping hot chocolate (with marshmallows and whipped cream- as per her request) and watching Clara and the Sugar Plum Fairy dance the night away.  Brooklyn was beside herself.  It was one of those special times that happen only once in a while but you want to soak it in completely.  I wasn't folding laundry, working on an unfinished project, or making a mental to-do list.  I was fully there with her, doing something that I knew she loved, and I loved it too.

Christmas Love

For God so loved the world, he gave His only begotten son...

One of my favorite Christmas songs this year is Jars of Clay's Love Came Down at Christmas.  We can't forget that love is truly at the heart of Christmas.  It was the love of God the Father that originated Christmas, by sending Jesus to earth to demonstrate true love to humanity.  And we have the opportunity to spread that love in so may ways at Christmas.  Simple time we spend and thoughtful gifts we give are among the many ways we can share love.  So here's a fun and easy recipe that lets you spread that Christmas love around this season.

Candy Cottage Construction 101

The girls decided they wanted to decorate a gingerbread house last night when we had some special guests over for dinner.  In the past, I've picked up the kits that have the baked gingerbread, candies and frosting mix.  Well, it seems that the rest of our neighborhood had the same idea, as Walmart was completely sold out of the kits.  So after scrounging the girls candy stash, (I knew that last Christmas/Easter/Halloween candy would come in handy some day) and baking more gingerbread, we made our very own, from scratch, candy cottage.

 This is how Ellie started and ended the evening...eating candy.  I think she did put two pieces on the house, only to take them off a few minutes later and eat them.  This is the girl whose first word was candy...what can we expect.  We also suspect she is the one who has continued to help herself to the candies on the house all day today. 

 

Brooklyn has a future in architecture or exterior design we've decided.  She planned and executed the entire decoration process down to the most minute detail (like don't let the "S" on the Skittles show).  Pretty impressive for a five year old, don't you think?

 

 The candy took effect on Ellie and she got silly playing Santa Claus 

(and yes she is wearing a ballet leotard- why would she wear clothes?)